Should I? Could I?
by jerseygirl2
Summary: This takes place right after the end of season 2. It's mainly Brian and Justin, but there are short parts with other characters. Brian isn't feeling normal, he misses Justin, but is too stubborn to admit it. What will he do? Please r&r! This is my first
1. Chapter 1 Missing him

Brian reclined against a wall in the back of Babylon. A random guy on his knees before him, doing what many men in Babylon had done to him before. Normally Brian would welcome being pleasured by a good-looking man such as this one, but tonight he felt a certain way. He had been feeling this way a lot lately. It was not a familiar emotion, and it perplexed Brian. He had never felt this way in his life before. He was never so alone, so desolate. He wouldn't admit it, but without a doubt, he missed Justin.  
  
He was so deep in thought that he didn't even realize that the man giving him a blow job had left. He zipped his jeans and headed back into the front of the club. His destination was the exit, and he planned to get there ceaselessly, but that didn't work out.  
  
"Hey Brian, where're you going?" said Michael who was entangled in Ben's arms.  
  
"It's getting late Mikey. I'm leaving." Brian replied as he continued walking, only stopping long enough to answer.  
  
Michael didn't respond to this, he just went back to his conversation with Ben.  
  
Brian was finally home. Without Justin all his days seemed long and tedious. He longed to have him back; he wanted to hold him in his arms, make him feel like he wanted to feel, loved. However, Brian was too stubborn to do this. He had to taunt himself, reminisce on all their times together, wishing to relive the past.  
  
Brian slid open the door to his apartment, and trudged in as if the walk up to his apartment had been an arduous journey. He went into his room and collapsed into his bed.  
  
"Why do I have to be so headstrong," he wondered.  
  
"I should just pick up the phone and call him, ask him if we can talk. There wouldn't be any harm in that would there?"  
  
Then Brian remembered something, Ethan. He knew how happy Justin was with Ethan. He didn't want to hurt him by taking him away from Ethan, but he wanted him back so badly. This was so unlike the usual Brian Kinney. He was being so sensitive. This wasn't Brian. Brian was bold, resilient, he was the one who never cried, was never down, never in pain. Brian loved Justin, he had expressed it minutely in his own way, and Justin knew that Brian loved him, but he wanted more, he wanted romance, and that's what Ethan could give him. But couldn't Brian give him what he wanted too? 


	2. Chapter 2 Calling

Brian, after lying on the couch for a good ten minutes arguing with himself, came to a conclusion.  
  
"Okay, I'll call him. A call, a nice, 'How are you, Justin?'," Brian thought as he rolled off the couch and stood up, languidly, "What if he's mad, well, he has rights to be, I have to fix this. I made a mess, ruined everything I had with him. Do I even stand a chance against this violin playing fool? Who does he think he is to step in to our relationship and steal Justin away from me?" Brian remained calm, although he was itching to call Ethan and give him a piece of his mind.  
  
Brian walked steadily over to the phone, which lay on his counter. He dialed Justin's number, which he didn't even have to think of before setting his fingers to the buttons. He patiently waited while the phone rang several times.  
  
"Hello?" answered a winded Ethan. Brian could hear Justin panting, and knew what that meant.  
  
Without saying a word, Brian disappointedly hung up. With nothing to do now, he sat down on the couch again, and thoughts of Justin came drifting back to him. The first time they met with their first time, Justin running away to NY when he left Brian's door open and he was robbed, showing up at Justin's prom and dancing with him, all those times visiting Justin after the bashing, Brian neglecting Justin on his birthday and him meeting Ethan.  
  
No wonder Justin was with Ethan and not Brian. Ethan showed that he cared. Brian realized how horrible he had been. Even if something like a birthday was trivial to Brain, it meant a lot to Justin, and Brian could have recognized that and done something about it. He had to get him back, but how. Was he in love with Ethan? Would he come back to Brian? Brian knew he'd come back, he knew he had control over people.  
  
"The only way that I'm going to win him over is if I find some way to get Ethan out of here." Brian thought to himself. "Ethan, perfect little romantic, violin playing Ethan. Then there's me. Successful, hottest thing around, I'm paying for his education for God's sake."  
  
Brian angrily walked into his room, undressed, and after admiring himself in the mirror for a few seconds, clad himself in a typical Brian Kinney outfit and proceeded to the door. He planned to go to Justin's place and to create some kind of scene, which would eventually make Ethan look like the bad guy, then Justin would be his to hold again. The way it should be. 


End file.
